How being a doctor informs my Family Constellations work

Sometimes family constellations work involves looking at several generations of a family to see if a particular issue may arise from something that has been handed down or “inherited” from a previous generation. We often find that someone or some event has been not acknowledged in a family, and that lack of acknowledgment can lead to secrets and deep emotions not being processed. The weight of unprocessed emotions can be passed down the generations and can sit like a sack of potatoes on one’s chest. We might wonder why we “know” something happened in the past, but we don’t know much about it. Sometimes we just have a sense that something bad happened….and whatever happened has effectively been excluded from the family system.

It may be the death of a child that at the time was ignored, because there wasn’t space to fully grieve. It may be a “first love” who was not fully acknowledged by those who came after. In order to heal, we try to identify what or who may be missing in a constellation, or what has been left out (excluded) and we make a space for what’s missing to be seen by everyone in that family system. The person who came and left the system, still has a place in the family system and that element should be brought in and included.

Applying a similar approach to an individual with their own bodily system - with many parts making up the whole - I sometimes take a similar approach. We may have a part of ourselves that we are desperate to get rid of - eg gall stones or a tumour. We want it cut out and got rid of. But in order to be able to leave that part of us out, and to get rid of it - often surgically - I think it is also important to fully embrace first what is to be excluded.

In a constellation I might set up a representative for the issue holder and another for the part of them that is causing the problem. The more the issue holder turns their back, the harder it is for them to be able to move on. If the two representatives can come into some more positive relationship with each other, if the issue holder can comfortably say “you have a place in my system” - it often brings a relief to both representatives and the representative for the part that needs to be cut out can leave, and can do so with the knowledge that they have been fully acknowledged and given a place.

It is surprising how often that shift to including an undesired part of ourselves, makes it easier to subsequently “let go” or “walk away”.